Sometimes looking back is moving forward!

All this emotion! Finally, the sun places a kiss upon my cheek. I went under… then realized I had nowhere else to go. It seemed to me a cyclic thing- that I fall and rise. That I’m on either end of the spectrum, never in between. Gripped, pulled, swayed; words that suffice in describing my current state of mind. There is a force, almost gravitational that is leading me somewhere. …That is helping me find my centre. This is core …it means everything really, for without a centre we have no standing; we are weak.

I discovered something recently. The betrayal of self. Every wrong decision comes back to bite where it hurts most. No blame can ever be cast on another, for we are all in control of our actions and reactions. Life is simply… a choice. You must forgive the ellipses, I simply know no other way to put things. My mind is taken with each letter, for I know the truth that I speak. I am young but not foolish. I don’t live life as it comes… I plan for it. And when one piece of the puzzle falls out of place, I cower but for a moment. Then later, regain composure.

So the good stage is finally here. I’ve been on a journey …a search of sorts. I took a wrong turn and got lost for a while. Then I saw something. A familiar face, and I ran as fast as I could to catch up. Adrenaline led to my victory as I finally caught up to look the person in the eye. Why? I don’t know. I was led by something beyond myself. She turned around and I instantly broke. My guard was down and all the walls I’d built around myself crashed right that moment. I stared myself in the face… only a younger, ‘better’ and definitely more naïve version of myself. It tore me to pieces. Reminded me of who I used to be and who I’ve become.

I knew I had to work my way back. Sometimes when we lose ourselves, we have to go back. Retrace our steps and find our roots. A clean slate, I told myself. Promises were made and broken… my previous self and I, matching forward to become one. Change isn’t all bad, but it isn’t all good either. Choices are everything in this world. I choose LIFE.

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ndilakimeu

Tiny bit awkward. Tiny bit anti-social. In one word- socially awkward. But what I know and experience, I love to share! Add-up? Hope so!

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